Even professional singers can’t always get through “The Star-Spangled Banner” unscathed, as Christina Aguilera found out at last year’s Super Bowl.

We’ll never know what Key would have thought of contemporary singers’ habit of improvising and embellishing his song with their own touches. But we do know that Indiana state Sen. Vaneta Baker, an Evansville Republican, is not a fan.

Sen. Baker introduced a bill that would require singers “to sign a contract agreeing to follow the guidelines and would set a possible $25 fine for violators.” It only affects performances at the state’s public schools and universities, as well as private schools that receive state funds. If her bill passes, it would not affect this year’s Super Bowl, which will be played in Indianapolis.

Singing out of key does not violate the terms of the contract. Not singing it “the way that we normally have it sung or heard throughout most of our state and our country” would. The bill would let schools set their own standards. But they will also be required to keep archives of every national anthem performance going back at least two years.

Given the amount of paperwork schools already have to deal with, this is just a bad idea. Surely Sen. Baker has better things to worry about in these troubled economic times.

For one, children under 12 are required to wear helmets while sledding. That’s not particularly onerous, though there is an argument to be made about parental discretion. Sledding is also banned in some parks, though it is allowed in others. The Borough recently circulated a newsletter to confused residents explaining what’s allowed where.

The real kicker is that out-of-town children are not allowed to go sledding in Beaver Borough, on pain of a $25 fine. If out-of-towners are in Beaver Borough to visit friends or relatives, they’ll need to find something else to do for a family outing.

The town did this on the advice of its insurance company. Jon Delano, a local journalist, contacted the insurer to ask how a sledder’s home address could possibly affect any liability concerns. Perhaps sensing that this makes no sense, the company would not talk to him.

Of course, police officers have better things to do than find out where sledders live. Hopefully they realize that as they drive past families taking turns going down the hills of Roosevelt Park.

Planking is an odd, odd trend. Plankers are people who pose for pictures by lying face down on the ground in unusual places, stiff as a plank of wood; hence the name. It isn’t clear how the fad started, but a quick Google image search for “planking” will give results of people planking everywhere from a swimming pool to a camel’s back to the spare tire on the back of an SUV.

Winston Castelo, a legislator in the Philippines, has had enough. That’s why he introduced the Anti-Planking Act of 2011. There is a transportation labor dispute happening in Manila right now, and there have been some strikes. Some groups of protesters have taken to planking in the middle of the street, tying up traffic. Hence the anti-planking bill.

The protesters shouldn’t be doing that, obviously. Not only is it rude, it’s probably illegal. Offenses like jaywalking and disturbing the peace are already on the books.

People all over the world have been poking fun at Congressman Castelo’s odd sense of priorities. Good for them, I say. Threats to freedoms even as trivial as planking should not be taken lying down.

Under AB 889, household “employers” (aka “parents”) who hire a babysitter on a Friday night will be legally obligated to pay at least minimum wage to any sitter over the age of 18 (unless it is a family member), provide a substitute caregiver every two hours to cover rest and meal breaks, in addition to workers’ compensation coverage, overtime pay, and a meticulously calculated timecard/paycheck.

The intentions behind this bill are noble, one assumes. But when it comes to regulations, good intentions don’t matter. Results do. And it’s pretty easy to see that if it passes, this bill will result in a lot of unhappy nights at home for frustrated parents – and a lot less income for sitters who have been priced out of a job.

You can read the full text of the bill here (PDF). It would also raise unemployment for maids, nannies, and anyone else who makes a living helping others around the house.

By all means, let’s celebrate Lemonade Freedom Day — make it a teaching moment. Those who actually care about preparing the next generation to become profitable businesspeople should take their favorite youngster down to city hall to jump through the necessary hoops and learn what it really takes to become a successful entrepreneur.

Sounds more likely to discourage than encourage young entrepreneurs.

Still not a bad idea, though. A trip to city hall would be an excellent way to teach the young ones about opportunity costs. Show them the forms they have to fill out. The licenses they have to apply for. How long permits take to process. Take them to the store and show them how long it takes to buy and install a handwashing station; many towns require lemonade stands to have at least one.

Then tell them they could have spent all that time actually selling lemonade.

Health and safety regulators are trying to stop this spontaneous show of goodwill. The Telegraph reports:

[O]fficers told the volunteers that the decision had been made for the clean-up to be done by the council.

Asked why, an officer said: “Health and safety mainly. There’s lots of broken glass around.”

Many storefronts have broken windows, you see. Broken glass can be dangerous. Better to leave the cleanup to professionals. Someone could get hurt.

This is a different broken window fallacy than the kind one usually sees.

Kids have been setting up lemonade stands for as long as there has been lemonade. But in recent years, regulators have started shutting them down. Robert Fernandes, a father of two, has had enough. That’s why he has declared August 20, 2011 to be Lemonade Freedom Day.

Fernandes is encouraging kids and parents to set up lemonade stands that day without going through the permits, inspections, and fees that many towns require. For more information, visit LemonadeFreedom.org. There is also a Lemonade Freedom Day Facebook event page here.

Fernandes also links to a list of news stories about lemonade stand shutdowns. The list is disturbingly long.

That’s why on August 20, I’m going to take a stroll through my neighborhood to see if any young entrepreneurs are selling unlicensed lemonade. I encourage everyone to do the same.

This is a minor battle, as these things go. But the same obstacles to lemonade freedom apply throughout the economy. Federal regulations alone cost nearly an eighth of GDP to comply with. That sizable burden is a major reason why the economy is still struggling. Lemonade Freedom Day is one way to tell overzealous regulators to back off.

Abigail Krutsinger is 4 years old. She lives in Coralville, Iowa. A local tradition there is the RAGBRAI bike ride, where cyclists ride clear across Iowa. Abigail, seeing how exhausted the cyclists were when they reached Coralville, opened up a lemonade stand. It was a way to help out thirsty bikers, make a little bit of money, and learn a little something about running a business. Classic Americana.

In another display of classic Americana, police  quickly shut her down. Abigail, who is 4, never applied for a permit and a health inspection.

This is not an isolated incident. Similar crackdowns have happened in Wisconsin, Georgia, Oregon, and Maryland, and New York. Will there be more?

Children are messy. That’s why Richard Belanger, one of mankind’s unsung heroes, invented the sippy cup. By taking advantage of surface tension, liquid won’t spill out even if the cup is held upside down.  Even the most determined toddler has a hard time making a mess.

Then came the lawyers.

New York’s state legislature just passed a bill requiring warning labels to be put on all sippy cups sold in the state. It isn’t because sippy cups are dangerous. They don’t have sharp edges. They aren’t toxic. Nor are they a choking hazard. No, it’s because sometimes parents sometimes fill sippy cups with liquids that contain sugar, such as fruit juice. The labels warn that giving your child such drinks will cause tooth decay.

A similar bill passed last year, but fell victim to then-Gov. David Paterson’s veto pen. Current Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s stance on sippy cup policy is unknown. He will see some interest group pressure, though:

“I can show you photos of children who go to bed with sippy cups,” said Mark Feldman, executive director of the state Dental Association, which pressed for the bill.

“All you see is little black stumps that is all that is left of the teeth,” he added.

And I can show you a busybody who spends entirely too much time worrying about other people’s children. If his strongest argument is anecdotal hyperbole (possibly photoshopped?), then his case is weak indeed.

Either that, or the ADA felt the need to have a legislative accomplishment to brag about in its newsletter to prove its clout.